Hold me until it hurts
by Mello'M'Keehl
Summary: Mello can't stop crying, and it's all his fault. But, the blond crybaby knows his friend will be there to comfort him. He always is. However, when Matt sneaks in to his companions room, this time it's different, and things change. For the better maybe? Who knows?


Another senseless night. That will consist of crying myself to sleep. I don't know if he can hear me. But, if he can. I'm glad. It's his fault. His fault that everyone pressures me, resents me.

Now I'm nothing but a mere outcast. Second best… That's what I am now, and forever will be.  
All night I will sit here, and no-one will come to my aid. They dare not too, probably too afraid that I would lash out at them. The sad thing is, they're right. I don't mean to. I don't want to.

But, that's how I am, I push everyone away, because I know. I know that if someone wanted to be in my life so badly, that if they truly cared, they'd continue coming back.  
Just like Matt.

The one person I can rely on in this place. The dumb red-headed, gamer boy. Who does nothing but sit in his room all day playing those dumb video games.

I mean, it's not like it bugs me or anything. Everyone has their hobbies. Yet, I just find it odd how he's so quickly attached himself to me. We're complete opposites, yet I find him almost too endearing.

As I lay here, enduring one of many sleepless nights, he creeps in. Never bothers to knock. It's like he knows how I'd react. That if he doesn't knock it's like he's not asking, he doesn't need to, because we're always there for each other, and I know I can trust him not to piss me off.

It's almost unnerving how well he knows me; better than I do myself. I don't really understand why I'm the only one he's like this with, maybe he likes being pushed about? I don't know.

All that I know is; if I hit him, he won't mind, but he'll allow me to. Almost as if, as if he knows it's helping, he knows that I don't want to cause anyone harm. But, that almost never happens.

The one I always end up hurting, is the only one who doesn't leave my side. I don't understand. I don't get what this boy see's in this messed up friendship we share.

This is what makes me furious. Makes me lash out at him. I try my best to drive him away, because I know that befriending me will do him no good.

I even hear the teachers talk about me sometimes. They don't care if I can hear them. But, it's not like I give a shit.

"M-Mello." There he was. His meek voice, his fragile figure standing in my doorway. He hadn't knocked, and I hadn't cared. As always I didn't reply, but only shifted slightly on the bed to make room for him to sit down.

You see. The fucked up thing is. He won't talk to me. He just sits there. In silence. Allowing me to spill it all out, and I can sob for hours, sometimes all night, and he'll just be there.

In that same spot. Smiling at me. Watching me, with those beautiful green eyes. Maybe, I should talk to him. Tell him why I'm crying, since it'd probably make more sense.

But, not for us. It'd be wrong. He doesn't need me to tell him, because he knows the meaning behind my tears. That I crave power. That I'm selfish. That no matter what I know I can't beat Near, and this is why he's so submissive.

The small amount of power I have over him. Knowing that I can dominate any situation between him and myself. It gives me what I hunger for. The power that I lost as number one.

But, this time is different. As he sits down next to me, he doesn't ignore me. Nor does he smile. Nor are those beautiful green eyes mine for the night.

However, instead they've been overtaken by a foreign liquid that fill his lids. He's… Crying? "Matt?" I settle down on my knees, placing a hand on one of his shoulders and shaking him lightly.

He doesn't respond, but only hangs his head down, letting that crimson hair drape over his face. His goggles are looped around his neck, they always are when he comes into my room.

He knows I hate it when he covers up his eyes. I told him it's a waste. To hide such a beauty is criminal.

Shut up. I know what you're thinking.

Tonight looks like it is going to be difficult, annoying. I don't want to deal with this. If it were anyone else I'd have kicked him out when I spotted the first tear.

But, he's always there when I cry. So I suppose it's my turn now. "Don't cry." I whisper, as I brush his messy bangs from his face, before pushing my forehead against his. He's hot. Maybe, he's ill? Maybe, embarrassed. But, I don't ask.

We just sit there, five minutes flying by like they're nothing, our foreheads still lightly pressed together. "You calm down yet?" I ask him, rubbing his shoulder gently as an attempt to soothe him. Hell I don't know. I'm not good with comforting people. But, at least I'm trying… Right?

"Matt… I… Why do you come to me when I cry? Does it bother you? Can you not sleep? Because I'll stop…" My voice is, for some unknown reason, rather shaky and quiet. I think I'm feeling a little nervous.

Although, I'm not too sure why. It's just Matt. I tell myself, as my heart begins to pound in my chest. This feeling of uncertainty. I dislike it.

Finally, the boy lifts his head, and there they are again. Those eyes, but it pains me to see them bloodshot and filled with tears. "It doesn't bother me Mell. You never bother me. I enjoy your company."

He smiles up at me, but it's not the same as usual. This time there's an unknown sadness as the corner of his lips turn up. His smile is forced, and I can tell. I'd rather him be honest.

But, before I go to talk. He tips his head up. Matt's breathe. I can feel it… His gentle pants against my lips. He distracts me, I open my mouth, but nothing is coming out.

No words. No sounds. Nothing.

For some reason, I close my eyes. Maybe I'm being a little too expectant of the other. Maybe not.

"Matt I-" I whisper, but before I can finish my sentence his lips are pressed against mine. I took in a sharp breath, the muscles in my shoulders tensing.

This is all new to me… I don't know what to do, other than to let him take the lead for once. I start to hesitate as something slides along my lower lip, and as I didn't respond, Matt grew a little eager in the kiss.

It was his tongue! I honestly didn't know what to make of this situation. Other than to open my mouth a little as his tongue again repeated it's action from before.

He could tell I didn't know what he wanted, that I didn't know it was his tongue. The small giggle I felt against my lips indicated this.  
"Fuck you." I mutter into the kiss. Not having the chance to say anything more, as his tongue forced it's way inside my mouth.

His tongue and mine, knocked clumsily together as we kissed, neither of us really knowing what we were doing. It was kind of awkward. Yet, it was nice. Knowing that for once we were both on the same level.

I moan quietly as my back is pushed down onto the mattress, it creaking in complaint of the weight of us both. "Matt-" I rasped as our lips broke apart from each others, I cling to his shirt, truly I want it off. But, wouldn't that be a little… Perverted?

Then again. Why should I care?


End file.
